Look into my eyes…

Posted on December 4, 2009

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This whole thing began as an exercise in trying to write more. About advertising, about my life in general, and the way I perceive events in my life.  I think its safe to say that most of that has not been accomplished. It’s not that things have not been exciting or eventful enough. Its more about my own personal inhibitions about the manner in which my words might impact others. Of course, it doesn’t really matter to me. I guess the egotistic need to read my own shit and have others read it, outweighed those fears this time. Even though no one really reads this blog.

I guess that’s why I’ve been oddly active on Twitter as well. There was a website that I loathed a year ago, and thought it one of the worst concepts created for the Internet. Constant updates about your left toenail or who you spotted at the railway station. Pointless web traffic directed up the ass of the Information Superhighway, that ultimately served no purpose other than a momentary grin from a reader.

A lot of Twitter is still like that, mind you. The only reason I started ‘tweeting’ in the first place was that I found the use of 140 characters a reasonable enough place to practice advertising headlines. Would have worked too if it hadn’t been for my readers.  But slowly and steadily, I grew into the whole thing. I’m still not an addict, logging on every now and then, but I must say its not as bad as I thought.

There’s a famous Hypnotist coming to Sophia Hall tomorrow, Alan Bates. I’ve never been taken with this whole hypnosis thing. To quote Penn and Teller, I think the concept is probably 80% bullshit, with perhaps a little bit of truth thrown in. Getting people to act all loopy after dangling a watch in front of them, and snapping your fingers, is not my idea of an entertaining weekend. If I were a hypnotist, and I truly believed in it, I wouldn’t waste my talents on stage. I’d keep it secret.

Think about it. There’s nothing scarier than a serial hypnotist out loose in the streets. You could commit the perfect crime, if you had the option of wiping the memories of your eyewitnesses/victims.

“Well officer, it all happened very fast. I saw a guy come out of the jewelry store with a golden watch, and a bag with a huge dollar sign slung across his back. I was going to call you, but it was at that moment, I thought it more appropriate to take off all my clothes, while performing Pavarotti’s rendition of Nessun Dorma  in the streets singing.”

“No honey, I CAN’T explain the used condom you found in bed this morning. Maybe it was your own that, kinda got tucked under there one time. And I don’t remember getting the tattoo MILF4LIFE on my ass either! Why won’t you believe me?!”


“No seriously, I DON’T mind you talking about me behind my back to my co-workers. In fact, I’ve been keeping an eye on you, as your boss. How would you like to work in MY office? And maybe later, you want to ride my Ducati home and fuck my wife?”

And I just had another scary thought. What if a terrorist learnt hypnosis? The Taliban wouldn’t even have to disguise themselves. Al Qaeda wouldn’t need sleeper cells. The conversation would probably go along the lines of this video.

Of course stuff like that could never happen. I don’t really like all this mind over matter stuff. If you do, there’s something the matter with your mind.

Here’s what I don’t understand about hypnosis, or magicians, or psychics or whoever. Here you are, claiming to me to have more power than a normal human being, more mental ability than the average university professor, and you chose to spend your ‘talents’ making people believe they’ve won the lottery? Pulling rabbits out of hats? ‘Helping’ a grieving widow ‘reconnect’ with her dead husband to have him find out she’s already replaced him with his best friend? Why?

Imagine a world where hypnotists and magicians used their powers responsibly. For instance, way back in 1998, if somebody had slipped a hypnotist into the White House while Ariel Sharon and Arafat held their talks, to do his Jedi mind trick, would the Middle East be in the state it is today? If a psychic devoted his life to trying to contact dead celebrities like Kennedy, to find the truth, wouldn’t the world be better off? Actually forget Kennedy. Could we at least find Tupac’s killer? Or Micheal Jackson’s?

But you know what you’re greeted with when you ask any of them these questions. Some of them will just stare at you like zombies (I’m looking at YOU, David Blaine) or feebly try and explain that ‘the universe doesn’t work that way’. Well, that didn’t stop you making a career did it, Obi Wan…

The amount of money these people make piss me off. Alan Bates show is 1500 bucks! I fail to see the logic of attending a show that where there’s a strong possibility that I might not remember where all that fucking money went!

But who knows. In the end I might actually catch it. It might be fun to heckle a hypnotist.

“You are making me sleeepy! You are a boring tool!”

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