Dearly Beloved

Posted on December 12, 2009


I stayed home from work today with a really irritating fever. The kind that creeps up on you when you least expect it, and is hard to shake off, without excessive amounts of sleep. It was annoying not being able to find the strength to even get up for a morning cup of tea. And I get even more irritable when I don’t have a decent chai in the morning.

It wasn’t an exceptionally different Saturday afternoon today. At some point or the other, I kept getting up to either check my cell phone or my download bar on my torrent client. I’d have probably been doing the same thing at work today. Still haven’t gotten around to the fact that I work on Saturdays, even though its been donkey’s months doing it.

I’m getting sick and tired of  ‘wedding season’. Wherever I look, whatever I read, its always something to do with weddings. If you really break it down, there are very few reasons to attend them.

1) The food.

2) The alcohol.

3) The women.

I’ve arranged those in order of whether or not they might be satisfactory, with the most satisfactory coming first.

Any food at a wedding can be enjoyed. There are a few instances where food can get to be a problem, like if there’s only vegetarian on the menu. This puts a few of my friends in a real dilemma. Many’s the occasion I’ve seen hardcore carnivorous males reduced to kittens, as they munch a piece of paneer, wishing it were chicken. But by and large, food at a wedding is not a problem, because you’ll always find something that can make you happy. And there’s plenty to go around. Not so with the other two.

Its unfortunate that alcohol by and large, is very sparsely found at Indian weddings. If you happen to hit the jackpot and attend a Parsi, Christian or a liberal community’s wedding, make the most of it. Its very strange. You would think that there’s enough reason to drink at a wedding. If you’re happy for the couple, you can celebrate with them, and your own circle of friends and make it a night to remember. Sans puking or other nasties. If you’re the kind that’s depressed with the wedding, its even better reason to drink. Because you have plenty of company! There are plenty of depressed people at a wedding. The exes who were invited as ‘friends’. The siblings who are single and judged. The parents who’ve felt their wallets cry out in agony. The best friends in the same peer group who now feel obligated to settle down. A wedding doesn’t just change a couple, it changes everyone that’s present at the occasion. And alcohol can be a soothing comfort and a good friend to balance all this.

Which brings me to the women. Its a misconception some men have, that women feel more loose around a wedding. I blame these two idiots and people like them:

Homo Non Erectuses at a random wedding

If anything, a woman, especially an Indian woman is most on her guard at any wedding. Its not just the constant stares from other women she has to deal with. Its the clothes that are obviously a force fit, the jewelry that probably weighs more than they do, the drunken uncles who try and cap a feel, or sit them on their laps, and the several potential suitors that the aunts line up for them. Your chances at getting laid after/around the time of a wedding, are about 50/50 with these kinds of obstacles. Which arent much better than your odds at getting laid in any other place you might pick up women. So why go through the trouble of putting on your favourite suit, if eventually it won’t come off when you want it to?

If I had any say in the matter, weddings would probably be the most private moments in human society. If you really think about it, that’s the way it should be. When two people decide that they want to spend the rest of their lives together, its a moment where nothing and nobody else in their lives should matter. The security and comfort that they find in each other, that they seemingly cannot compare with how they feel in the company of others, is an indication of a private union. In my opinion, weddings are lavish with plenty of guests invited, less to celebrate the ‘joyous union of our sons and daughters’ as most cards would have you believe.

In my opinion, its more of a statement of two people saying, ‘this is the one last night where the rest of you fuckers matter in any scheme of things to the two of us. So drink up and enjoy yourselves, because after tonight nothing else matters to me in the world more than my partner in life.’ I’ll bet these two thought that.

Just a thought. *shrugs*

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